Time and Dirt
(First Day -- Previous Day -- Day 20 -- Next Day)
Day 20
Heliopause Colony on Planet Vertumna, Medbay
“Solane, I’m here again... oh, it ... I want to say I’m happy to see you again, that I’m glad you can still rest here like I wanted you to, but honestly, I can’t. It hurts to see you like this. Every single day. I’m ...
...
... I’m sorry. Things must be hurting for you much more than they do for me... And it might hurt for a while longer, but please... stay strong. I know it’s hard, but please, don’t, don’t think it’ll be like this forever.
I’ll wipe my tears, and then tell you what I heard from Dr. Instance. That she is working on a cure now herself, and will give you some experimental drugs later. It might help get you back to us... and yourself. I hope.
She even specifically asked me to come over in case you wake up, so that you have someone familiar with you then. It’s why I’m here so much earlier today! Also, that even if you don’t, hearing a familiar voice might be comforting regardless.
In fact, she asked me to stay the whole day and night. I was just in the middle of weeding because the rain is less bad today at least and we still had so many fields left, and I have so much else to do as well on top of that. All the sowing, and pruning, and harvesting...
But I could never leave you hanging, Solane. I can’t bear the thought of you being alone. You deserve so much better than how the world and everyone has treated you.
Dr. Instance had even already sent for someone to ask an aide to take over for me today so I wouldn’t have to worry about any work being left undone. Her usually dejected and tired face looked so determined and focused like I had never seen it before... She almost terrified me.
...
T-there she is... with a big syringe, eeeh.
Solane, I will hold your hand, and if you’re scared or it hurts too much, press mine, so you can feel you’re not alone... I’m right here.
Dr. Instance said the bluish liquid will enter your veins and should get you to shine again and make you bloom again... I don’t know if I can believe it, but I want to. Even if it makes your skin as blue as your hair, that would be fine with me.
Please just let it all be over soon...
There, the syringe will pierce your arm now. But it will hurt for just a moment, Solane! I promise. You’re brave, it’s not something that will throw you off, right?
There... Wait, no, keep your hand still, please. Please, hold it down... Ugh... Hold mine tightly instead if it hurts more than you expected. Yes, like that. Good.
It’s all over already! See, it wasn’t that bad. Although I really wish Tammy could have been here to help... she had this soothing way that seemed to be great at calming everyone’s nerves, didn’t she? I’m sure you still remember that as well. Even though she was just our age, she always seemed to manage to comfort both of us when were crying or anything, almost better than any adult could... She did it with everyone, really, but we three were the closest when the spaceship touched down on this world.
I miss her so much. And I know you do, too.
There’s so much we could have done together, that we *should* have done together... But at least... at least we got to know each other at all. Remember all the soysweets she made and had you distribute across the colony? Marz really liked those. Or when she did my hair and you tried to do hers? It turned into a real mess, but she still liked the attempt, had that smile on her face when she looked into a mirror to see her long pink hair in tangles that were supposed to be pigtails, heh.
If only she hadn’t asked you to get cotton candy that one day ... you could have been around to maybe warn her of that screen that exploded in her face and robbed her of us when she was just 11, and you 10. Or I could have tried to push her away, but it happened so fast... One moment I was looking away from her, at the plushies and wondering which one to try to capture with crayons, the next one this ear-shattering sound knocked me off my balance and she was gone... I feel like I cried for days after it and couldn’t bring myself to go outside for a whole month, leaving you to do all the geoponics work. You seemed to cope better with it all, or were you just suppressing your grief? I don’t know what would happen to our crops if...
Um, you know, actually I think I will just sit down and look through the photo album some more. While we wait for the medicine to work...
Ah, this one’s great. It shows you with a blindfold guided by me across the old colony yard to a secret goal. You know, the much smaller one before the Helios ship arrived and turned everything upside down, making our home so much larger and more intimidating? I had been trying to think of some games with no winners or losers, so no one would have to feel bad about the outcome and could just enjoy the game.
Unfortunately some people didn’t really *get* it, but we still had a lot fun, didn’t we? I was so happy to see how much you trusted me to lead you like that. Even if I didn’t manage to bring you to the place I had in mind, because someone stopped us and made me feel insecure about the whole idea...
Oh, and here’s one from sportsball practice, with us both and Anemone. Her long, bushy red locks touch your blue hair as you try to keep me and her from fighting because she had gotten upset that I had let her win. I thought she would like that, but she said it was unfair... I understand now why, but at the time it felt like she started a fight just to have one. We managed to make up, but still drifted so far apart we can’t even talk with each other anymore. Like, she seems to have bought into all the horrid anti-xeno stuff her boyfriend Vace keeps telling her, who is like Governor Lum’s Most Loyal Soldier or something. Now she won’t even look at me.
Ugh, I’m sorry. It feels like even a lot of our childhood memories are so tinged by sadness now for me.
...
You know, is this what Dys meant when he said to me I would now know how he feels all the time?
He always seemed to have that almost disturbingly gloomy attitude about everything that I couldn’t ever understand when I was younger. It’s easier for me now, as much as I wish it wasn’t, but looking at this photo here where you are standing with him on the walls, looking over to the horizon, it must have been different for you. You always seemed to get along with him, even when he was being kinda gnarly, and pushed people away. You were the only one ever sticking up for him, even when he was bullied. And you seemed to actually enjoy being in his company, even going with him on those expeditions outside the colony.
I thought that maybe you just were trying to be nice, and enjoyed being a surveyor. But... was there actually something that I failed to notice in you all those years? Something that weighed on you, invisibly? Solane... I’m sorry if that’s the case. When you wake up, it’ll be different. I promise.
Maybe you could introduce me properly or something. I’ve been trying to talk to him, to, you know, find out what he knows about life on this planet that he learned during his expeditions, but even when I can find him he doesn’t seem to want to say much. Like today early in the morning I finally spotted him leaving the cafeteria after breakfast and going through the gates.
Turns out he’s camping just outside the walls, not far from the expeditions headquarters! Totally unbothered by everything going on inside. It doesn’t seem to concern him at all. I’m not sure he even knows what happened to you. Were you not that close after all, or something? Or is he type to think you want your space as much as he does...
Anyway, I tried asking him whether he saw anything interesting recently, but he just gave me a blank stare and moved away. I hope he didn’t think I was sent to cause him trouble or something. Now I don’t know what to do, if only you were able to help me here... I guess I’ll have to think of something myself.
I can do that. I’ll have enough time this night to do that, after all.”